• Attempting to adult, but I keep getting distracted by shiny objects.
• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
• They say “follow your dreams,” so I went back to bed.
• I put the “pro” in procrastination.
• Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
• Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.
• Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
• I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• If I was a vegetable, I’d be a rad-ish.
• My superpower is pretending to listen when someone’s telling me how to do something.
• Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long if you’re fat.
• Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• My dentist told me I need a crown. I said, “I know, right?”
• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
• My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

• I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode… all the time.
• My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, then try skydiving. At least it’s a softer landing.
• I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship.
• Life is like a roller coaster: full of ups, downs, and a lot of screaming.
• My room is not messy; it’s an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.
• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
• I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right… loudly.
• My brain has too many tabs open.
• I’m not short; I’m just concentrated awesomeness.
• I’m not clumsy; I’m just allergic to gravity.
• My dentist told me I need a crown. I said, “Can I have a tiara instead?”
• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
• My bed and I have a special relationship. We’re in a committed one-way relationship; it commits to keeping me comfy while I commit to never leaving it.
• I’m not ignoring you. I’m just giving you time to reflect on what you’ve done.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
• I’m not late; everyone else is just early.
• If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… literally.
• I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Another Funny captions

• Wearing sunglasses because my future is too bright… and also because I forgot to put on sunscreen.
• Just bought sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes from staying up too late watching cat videos.
• My sunglasses are like a mask for my eyes – they hide my true feelings of needing a nap.
• Life’s too short to wear boring sunglasses… or to take yourself too seriously.
• Forgot my sunglasses at home and now I’m squinting like I’m auditioning for a role in a spaghetti western.
• Rocking sunglasses indoors because my future is so bright I need UV protection.
• Sunglasses: the perfect accessory for when you want to look cool but also like you’ve been up all night binge-watching Netflix.
• Wearing sunglasses so I can discreetly check out people without them knowing I’m staring at them.
• Not sure if I’m wearing sunglasses to protect my eyes or to protect others from the blinding shine of my awesomeness.
• My sunglasses are my disguise for when I need to do some undercover people-watching.
• Just realized my sunglasses are more stylish than I am… and I’m totally okay with that.
• Got 99 problems but finding my sunglasses ain’t one… until I actually need them.
• My sunglasses are my excuse for not recognizing people I don’t want to talk to.
• Sunglasses: the ultimate tool for avoiding eye contact with people you don’t want to talk to.
• Wearing sunglasses so I can stare at the sun without anyone judging me.
• Sunglasses are like Instagram filters for real life – they make everything look cooler.
• Don’t need rose-tinted glasses when my sunglasses are already making everything look brighter.
• Lost my sunglasses and now I have to face the harsh reality of adulting… without UV protection.
• My sunglasses are my secret weapon for looking effortlessly cool… and for hiding my dark circles.
• Wearing sunglasses because my future’s so shady, I need protection.

• When you find a house with a doorbell camera… It’s like the property is giving you the ultimate side-eye! ??
• House hunting tip: If the bathroom mirror doesn’t tell you you’re the fairest of them all, is it even worth buying? ??
• Just toured a house with a closet so big, I could fit all my hopes and dreams in there… and maybe a few skeletons too! ??
• Visited a house today that had so many stairs, I think I accidentally climbed Everest. ??????
• Just saw a listing with a backyard big enough to host a full-on dinosaur rodeo. ??
• Went to an open house and found out the neighbors have a pet elephant named Dumbo. Guess it’s time to pack my trunk! ??
• Got lost in a house’s maze-like layout today… Pretty sure I found Narnia in the back of the linen closet. ??
• House hunting got me feeling like Goldilocks… This one’s too small, that one’s too big, but where’s the one that’s just right? ??
• Found a house with a backyard so tiny, it’s basically just a postage stamp. Think I’ll start collecting property taxes in miniature. ??
• Went to view a “cozy” apartment today… Turns out “cozy” is just realtor code for “hope you like sleeping with your knees in your chest.” ???
• This house is so old, I’m pretty sure the original owner’s still haunting the attic… Wonder if they’d be up for roommate negotiations? ???
• Toured a fixer-upper today that’s seen better days… Honestly, it’s got more leaks than the Titanic after an iceberg incident. ??
• Went house hunting today and found a kitchen so outdated, it’s practically a time capsule from the ’70s. Disco ball not included. ??
• Just viewed a house with a backyard so wild, I’m pretty sure Tarzan swings by for tea every Thursday. ??
• Visited a listing with a bathroom so small, you gotta step outside just to change your mind. ??
• House hunting got me feeling like a detective… If Sherlock Holmes traded his magnifying glass for a mortgage calculator. ??
• Just toured a house that’s so far out in the boonies, I think the nearest neighbor’s a family of raccoons. ??
• Went to view a loft apartment today… Turns out “loft” just means “skylight so big, you wake up with a sunburn.” ???
• Visited a house with a basement so creepy, I think I saw Pennywise playing hopscotch. ??
• This house is so tiny, I think even the mice have to turn sideways to get through the door. ??

Getting over with Funny captions

• Just toured a house with so many mirrors, I’m starting to think it’s secretly a portal to another dimension. ??
• Visited a listing with a backyard so small, I think I accidentally mowed it with my shoe. ??
• This house has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas’ English Muffin. ??
• Went to view a penthouse today and got a nosebleed from all the altitude. ??
• House hunting got me feeling like a contestant on “Survivor” – just waiting for Jeff Probst to pop out and hand me the keys. ???
• Toured a house with a living room so big, I think it has its own timezone. ???
• Found a listing with a garden so overgrown, I’m pretty sure there’s a hidden treasure buried in there somewhere. ??
• Went to see a “charming cottage” today… Turns out, “charming” is just code for “leaky roof and a family of raccoons in the attic.” ???
• Visited a house with wallpaper so loud, I think it’s trying out for American Idol. ??
• Just toured a house with a staircase so steep, I think I need to bring my climbing gear next time. ?????
• This house is so small, the welcome mat doubles as a sleeping bag. ??
• Went to view a beachfront property and ended up with a sandcastle… I think I got the wrong memo. ???
• Visited a listing with a backyard so bare, I think I spotted tumbleweeds rolling by. ??
• Just saw a house with a backyard pool so small, it’s basically a birdbath for seagulls. ?????
• This house has more stairs than a StairMaster factory. I think I just accidentally joined a gym. ??????
• Went to view a condo today and ended up with a walk-in closet… that doubled as a kitchen. ?????
• Visited a listing with a garage so cluttered, I’m pretty sure I spotted Amelia Earhart’s missing plane in there. ???
• Just toured a house with so many windows, I feel like I’m living in a fishbowl. ??
• Found a listing with a backyard so wild, I think I just accidentally joined a safari tour. ??
• This house is so old, I’m pretty sure the original blueprints were etched onto stone tablets. ???