• 1. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye and run!
• 2. Tried to be a stand-up comedian, ended up a sit-down tragedy.
• 3. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
• 4. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
• 5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• 6. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
• 7. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
• 8. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• 9. I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
• 10. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• 11. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
• 12. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
• 13. I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode.
• 14. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• 15. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.
• 16. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
• 17. I’m not clumsy; the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
• 18. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• 19. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• 20. I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman; I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

• Went to the store to buy happiness, but they only had snacks. Close enough!
• If laughter is the best medicine, my face must be curing the world.
• I told my computer I needed a break, now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
• Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• My plants are all slowly becoming cacti because apparently, I’m not good at relationships.
• Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
• My dog and I are on a seafood diet. We see food, and we eat it!
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
• I’m writing a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
• My cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• My cat is mad at me because I forgot to tell her it’s International Cat Day. The claws are out!
• If you see me talking to myself, don’t worry. I’m just getting expert advice.
• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Another Funniest captions

• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
• Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
• My bed and I have a special relationship. We’re perfect for each other – I love sleep, and it loves me.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything, even rumors!
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
• Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
• Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet, just like me and my deadlines.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, literally.
• I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
• My dog thinks I’m a great magician. Every time I finish a meal, he appears out of nowhere!
• Why did the computer catch a cold? It had too many windows open!
• I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
• My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. So, I had to put my foot down.
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, or maybe they’re just too spineless.
• I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Neither is juggling chainsaws.

• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and couldn’t ketchup!
• My wife told me I should embrace my mistakes. So, I hugged her.
• Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? Because he was outstanding in his motivational field!
• My dog is a great life coach. Every time I feel lazy, he gives me a “bark” talk.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down, just like my snacks.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. Too bad they’ll never know it, they’re parallel, after all.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything, even excuses!
• My bed and I have a special relationship. We have breakfast together every morning.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just a lot of bones to pick.
• My cat was just elected mayor of our living room. Her first order of business: more nap time!
• If laughter is the best medicine, my bank account is in excellent health.
• I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads. It’s a bit clingy.
• Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had too many mugs to deal with.
• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug – apparently, I’m one of them.
• My cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers me on. It has high hopes.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up!
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers. The piano wasn’t a fan of my ears.
• Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems, and the problems multiplied.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Stick to something less gravity-dependent.
• My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down… gracefully.

Getting over with Funniest captions

• My wife said I should embrace my mistakes. So, I hugged her. Now she says I’m wrong on multiple levels.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just a strong backbone.
• I told my computer I needed a break, and now it’s recommending vacation spots. Even technology knows I’m overworked.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field and knew how to stand out!
• If laughter is the best medicine, my face must be a pharmacy by now.
• My bed and I have a love-hate relationship. I love it in the morning; it hates to see me leave.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything, especially when they’re under pressure.
• Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
• My dog thinks I’m a genius because I know how to open the refrigerator. Little does he know; it’s just practice.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up straight.
• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a high-five. I guess mistakes are now a team effort.
• Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged on the way to the office!
• My cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers me on. It’s my biggest fan.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. Too bad they’ll never meet; they’re socially awkward.
• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! It couldn’t believe its eyes.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Stick to something safer, like knitting parachutes.
• My cat is a master of meditation. It can ignore me for hours without moving a muscle.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they started making up stories about their electrons.
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers. Apparently, ears aren’t very musical.
• My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down, then promptly tripped over it.